Saturday, June 20, 2015

Screensavers - Now Get Energized With Inspirational Text

Till now, screensavers have been a tool to enjoy watching scenes. A good screensaver was supposed to have great photographs or animations and good to look at. Not many had thought that screensavers could be used to inspire with text that can re-energize anyone. They are getting made now.

When you watch such screensavers, you will see beautiful images of nature such as mountains, rivers, waterfalls, tress, flowers etc. And a short inspirational text fading in and fading out. Accompanied with great music these screensavers area delight to watch and great tool for getting inspired.

How do they inspire? Think of person who is feeling depressed and hopeless. Most of the times the thought that enter his/her mind are negative and such a person only thinks of defeat. Not many friends will find time regularly to meet him/her and give a pep talk. Most of the times such people are on their own. When they watch Inspirational screensavers, they read the message again and again and that message fights their negativity.

This is a self-help tool. There are more than hundreds of such screensavers available online at no cost and you can download as many as you wish free. Watch them whenever you need to get into inspirational mood. Before a presentation, before an examination or before going for a surgery or anytime you are feeling little low in spirit. Send them to your friends, who you feel may need the screensavers to fight any problems. Screensavers with Inspirational messages are a fun way to get inspired right on your desktop at no cost.

Rose Desrochers Thoughts On Taking Responsibility For Our Actions

When do we start taking responsibility for our own actions? It appears that we no longer own our actions. Owning our actions, involves taking personal responsibility for what we do. Why is it that when something goes wrong, we need some place to lay the blame? Part of being a mature, responsible adult is to know that when we make a decision in life we are responsible for the outcome, not someone else.


Let’s look at the following examples:
                  
A married man goes out and has an affair. He blames the wife for not satisfying his needs in bed. Did he ever stop to think that maybe his problem lies with him and not with his wife?

Your electricity gets turned off because you didn’t pay the bill. Do you blame the mail man for not bringing the bill? Do you blame the electrical company, because you didn’t receive the bill? You knew the bill was due. You pay it every month, don’t you? It comes down to responsibility.

You join a website and the administrator bans you for breaking the terms of service. You blame the administrator? Why? You knew the rules of the website upon joining and had you not known the rules, you should have prepared yourself better by reading them.

Your daughter gets pregnant at 15. Let me guess you blame Britney Spears for influencing her to dress sexy. Yet you purchased the clothes for her and allowed her to wear them.

Your son gets suspended from school for fighting, drinking and drugs. You don't take responsibility as the parent. You blame the child. Well don't family values start at home? It is the rules that you set down and enforce that count.


When do we start taking responsibilities for our lives? We all have a responsibility to pay our bills, go to work, follow the rules and bring up our families within societal norms.

It is really unfortunate that we seem to be raising a generation of children that don’t take responsibility for their actions either. They blame their friends, they blame their teachers, and they blame everyone around them, but never themselves.


When you feel you are mistreated, why is it that you just can't seem to let go of it, get over it and move on with your life? If you feel someone has wrong you and doesn't want to own up to the fact that they have mistreated you then there isn't much that you can do about it.You need to accept that the person isn’t going to see no wrong doing on their part, pick up your bruised ego and move on.

When do we learn as adults to be responsible for our own actions? When do we start living with the consequences of our decisions? Let go of blaming and being a victim. It serves no one. It sure doesn’t help you. Has not excepting responsibility for your actions made you happy? It is time to admit your mistakes rather than blame someone else.


Being a responsible adult means that you accept credit when you do the right thing and accept correction when someone tells you that you have made a wrong choice in your life.


We’re adults here and we want to be treated as such unless it’s not in our favor and then we want to blame someone else, anyone but ourselves.

I think it is time each of us assumed responsibility in life, by being liable for our actions and taking ownership of them. Please for goodness sake, stop making excuses for your life. When you have done wrong, admit to your mistakes and then move on.

Reflections on a New Image

Occasionally I have an identity crisis.  I think that's good.  From time to time I have to ask myself questions like:  Who am I?  What am I doing?  Do I like doing it?  Am I good at it?  Will it help the world? and How does the world know I'm doing it?

It began this time when I asked a friend and colleague to help me with the process of reexamining my business card and letterhead.  Since my last printing, I had expanded the way I work with voice, conflict and aikido, and I wanted my visual image to reflect the changes. 

I thought it would be simple. She'd take all my questions and resolve them in some way that would be clear, concise, and visually pleasing.  She did -- but it wasn't simple, and I wasn't prepared for what lay ahead.

When she showed me her ideas I literally stepped back, wide-eyed, and almost stumbled over my chair.  She presented a new, much more powerful image of me and my work. It was very different from the look I'd grown accustomed to, and it simultaneously shocked and delighted me. It also began an internal process of discovery that has been quite interesting.

Aikido and Power
I thought I knew who I was. I just had some questions about how to visually integrate the different aspects of my work -- voice, aikido, conflict resolution -- into a coherent package.  But I had a basic image that I'd been using and that functioned pretty well.  As it turns out it wasn't the whole me, nor was it the whole of my work. In the Japanese martial art Aikido there are two central elements.  One is learning to flow and blend with energy.  The second is the power you gain when that happens.  Aikido is a very powerful martial art. It is not resistant, but it is not passive.  Verbally, we use aikido when we are clear about our position while acknowledging others, and when we use words to connect instead of attack.  I have always identified with the flow of aikido but found it more difficult to engage its power.  Similarly in life I find it easy to blend (listen, acknowledge, agree) but more difficult to use power (state my position, ask for what I want, say no).  My image on paper reflected that too. 

In my aikido practice -- and in life -- I’m learning to be more powerful, and it's fun.  I throw harder, and I communicate more powerfully.  But it's not always easy because my image (both of myself and reflected in others) says that I'm a "nice" person.  And that "nice" image conflicts with a "power" image.  Powerful people aren't always nice, and nice people aren't usually powerful.  But is it possible to be both -- to blend and be powerful at the same time?  In fact, aikido's message is that true power lies in blending.  Power without blending is destructive.  And to blend without power is to lose our center. 

Now back to my image control problem.  The graphic reflection of my work initially challenged my self image.  But the timing was perfect.  Just as my work was evolving to include the powerful aspect of aikido, my colleague captured that power and clarified it graphically.

Critical Questions
One of life's ongoing conflicts is the question "Who am I?" Both personally and organizationally we need to address this conflict periodically and to ask ourselves who we are and whether our inner and outer images are accurate.  To flourish as an individual or a corporate entity, this kind of clarifying conflict is vital.

Annie Dillard said:  "How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives."  We all need to revisit our image on occasion, because it forces us to ask the important questions that must be asked if we're going to create the life -- the organization, the school, or the company -- we want, one that is uniquely ours and that we love.  Our ultimate power is not the power to control how others see us but to appreciate and bring to light the undiscovered parts of ourselves.   As we move forward in life, our evolution has a natural flow to it.  Am I enjoying my work or am I struggling?  Do I create my life anew each day?  What energizes me?  Where am I going and to what end?  Important questions for all of us this year, this day, this moment.

Receive To Give

Some time ago, I had a friend come to me. They were in desperate need of my services as a therapist to help them overcome some of the challenges in their life.

Bill, as we will call him here, was unhappy, suicidal, virtually bankrupt and generally not in a good place.

I worked with him for three straight hours, helping him resolve his issues and create an action plan so he could move on and break through the blocks that were holding him back.

After the session Bill apologised to me for being in such a bad way and asked what he could do in return for all the help that I had given him.

As you do in this sort of situation, I just smiled and said nothing, it’s my pleasure to help.

He looked at me and said, “But I’ve got to do something to repay you for everything you’ve done for me.” The look of worry and concern on his face for not being able to pay me back struck me.

At that moment, I had a revelation. I could insist that he did nothing and send him on his way. But However, I looked at his face and realised that he really wanted to give something in return for what he had received.

I realised that the best way I could give anything to him at this point was to accept his offer and say yes. Doing this, I honoured him and I made him feel very special and wanted.

I replied to him, “Do whatever you feel appropriate.”

He smiled, agreed, and changed the subject.

A few days later I had a phone call from Bill. He told me how well he was doing and how good life was feeling for the first time for months. He also invited me over to his house the next Friday night. I asked what for and he just said, “Just be there at 7pm.”

There was no arguing with him.

7pm Friday arrived and I rang his doorbell. He opened the door and smiled when he saw me. “Welcome, come in Jason, it is lovely to see you,” he shook my hand firmly and ushered me in the house.

He then looked at me and said, “You did so much for me the other night, I know you are a really busy person and I just wanted to do something to thank you.”

Now Bill knew me pretty well and knew that two of my biggest passions were books and pizza. I have thousands of books on all sorts of subjects and collect them passionately.

He sat me down and gave me a glass of wine and we chatted for a while. Eventually Bill said, “Now, you did a lot for me the other day and I really appreciate it. I can’t afford to pay you fully for your time.”

At that point I started to mutter that it was not necessary, he was a friend, and so on.

However, he continued anyway, “So I have a little something for you instead.”

He pulled a box out from under the coffee table and passed it to me. “These are for you to say thank you.”

“You didn’t need to,” I said, feeling a little uncomfortable, and I opened the box. Inside were a stack of old paperbacks. I pulled them out and started to look through.

“It’s not much I know, but I know how much you love books, and I had these in the attic and thought you would really appreciate them.” Bill looked at me, a huge smile on his face.

The box contained about two dozen self-help classics dating from the 1950’s. I was surprised and amazed.

”I want you to have this as a thank you for everything you have done for me and for helping me get myself sorted again.” Just then the doorbell rung and Bill jumped up with an even bigger smile on his face, “Pizza’s here” He said as he bounded to the door.

By giving Bill the chance to give something back for what I had done for him, it had boosted his self-worth. It had made him feel good because he had felt an obligation to me. This has been termed “The Law of Reciprocation”. That is, when you do something for someone else, they feel obliged to do something back. By allowing them to do so, you can help to make them feel better about themselves and more worthwhile.

Next time someone offers to give you something, ask yourself if it is better for you to receive than give in that situation; by receiving you can often give more than you can imagine.

No GPS for Lindbergh

Although flying from New York to Paris is no big deal today, Charles Lindbergh flew his 3,600 mile, 33 1/2 hour flight in 1927 without a telegraph, radio or Global Positioning System (GPS). In his plane, The Spirit of St. Louis, Lindbergh packed a few sandwiches, a couple canteens of water, 451 gallons of gas and a few maps. Several men had attempted to fly the same distance as Lindbergh, but failed only weeks before he made his record-setting flight. Lindbergh made a seemingly impossible journey come true.

In order to maximize gas mileage, Lindbergh traveled as lightly as he could. He wore a light jacket compared to a traditional leather pilot’s jacket, which made him more vulnerable to the elements. He used a thinner seat in which to pilot the aircraft, which compromised his comfort. Since he opted to travel solo, he had The Spirit of St. Louis built as a one seat airplane. If he fell asleep, he could crash in the Atlantic. Lindbergh also excluded night flying equipment and a parachute, which sacrificed his safety. Some could argue that Lindbergh literally bet his life on flying from NY to Paris.

Charles Lindbergh proved to the world that someone can succeed without needing to use luxuries. Lindbergh did not use luxuries in 1927 or electronic navigational devices.

How many times have we complained that our desktop or laptop is running slowly? How many of us have said that our office equipment is not the greatest? After what Lindbergh endured with his record flight, just how big do your problems really seem?

Here are some of the great things that Lindbergh taught us:

1. The Spirit of St. Louis was designed and built in 60 days

Many of us complain that we don’t have enough time to do things. A single-engine airplane that was going to be flown across the Atlantic Ocean, which was never done before, was built in two months. Lindbergh, Donald Hall and a crew of 35 other men worked on the airplane. Hall worked an average of 90 hours per week. At one point, Hall worked on the plane for 36 and 20 consecutive hours. Many of us think that life was so much easier in yesteryear. History provides the contrary.

Lindbergh knew his time was limited. A $25,000 prize was offered to the first one who could fly across the Atlantic Ocean. Others had perished attempting to set Lindbergh’s record. A few weeks prior to Lindbergh’s start of his flight from New York, a couple of Frenchmen had died attempting to fly from Paris to New York. Charles Lindbergh was determined enough to have a plane built in two months and fly the plane over the Atlantic Ocean. How determined are we in a time crunch? Although we may not feel the same pressure as Lindbergh did when he attempted to set a flying record, we still have situations where more time would be needed.

Are we asking for help like Lindbergh did? Lindbergh’s dream may have been impossible without the help of Donald Hall and the 35 men that built the Spirit of St. Louis. Asking for help is no disgrace. If asking for help was good enough for Lindbergh, it can be good enough for us.

2. "Why shouldn't I fly from New York to Paris?”

Lindbergh was quoted as saying, "Why shouldn't I fly from New York to Paris? ...I have more than four years of aviation behind me, and close to two thousand hours in the air. I've barnstormed over half of the forty-eight states. ...Why am I not qualified for such a flight?" Lindbergh put possibility out there for himself and did it!!

What is keeping us from thinking the same way? There is no reason why we cannot make a trip of our own.

3. Lindbergh did not compromise his goals

Initially, a company offered Lindbergh a plane for $15,000, but the company’s president wanted to choose the pilot and Lindbergh was not the president’s choice to fly it. Another company offered to build Lindbergh a plane for $6,000. Ultimately, Lindbergh accepted the deal and within 60 days, the plane was completed.

How often have we compromised our goals? Many of us have always wanted to write a book, an article, a poem, prose, fiction or nonfiction. Unfortunately for many of us, we have settled for what we are doing instead of making our dream of what we could be doing happen. What is stopping us from making that dream happen? We give all kinds of reasons as to why we cannot devote a few minutes a day to obtaining our goals. Fortunately, goals do not have to happen overnight. Only three percent of the population writes down their career dreams, goals and aspirations. How many of us are writing down our dreams?

“Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.” - Goethe

What goals do you have and how determined are you to attain them? What goals have you accomplished that initially seemed impossible? Although the magnitude of your goals may not seem as impossible as Lindbergh’s transatlantic flight, they are still your goals. How many of your goals have you compromised and how many goals have you achieved? Lindbergh did not settle for anything less than his goal of flying across the Atlantic. Although some of your goals may initially seem impossible, you also should not settle for anything less than achieving what is important to you.

Make Their Day

"Use every man after his desert, and who shall 'scape whipping? Use them after your own honour and dignity: the less they deserve, the more merit is in your bounty." – Hamlet, William Shakespeare

When was the last time someone made your day – or you made theirs? In the national bestselling book, FISH!, by Stephen C. Lundin Ph.D., Harry Paul, and John Christensen, the fishmongers at the world famous Pike Place Fish Company in Seattle do it daily. They do it by throwing fish and joking with their loyal customer-fans, and by just having fun.

I made a point recently to look for people I could "treat" this way, and it was really fun. I think I felt better than they did. I realized that when you make someone’s day, it bounces back on you. It's a great feeling to witness the joy and surprise on their faces.

It can be little things, like:
• Smiling
• Saying “Good morning”
• Offering your place in line to a harried fellow shopper
• Bringing a cup of coffee to your office mate
• Doing a task for a coworker
• Over-tipping at your favorite restaurant
• Taking time with someone who needs it
• Being a fully present listener

It doesn't take much to create a joyful moment. Look around, and you'll find there are more openings than you think. They're everywhere!

Living on Purpose: One Rock at a Time

I just got back from Colorado where I spent a week relaxing, re-energizing and revisiting the key values in my life. The lodge where I stayed is called Peaceful Valley, and it has a chapel on the premises. I’ve been to Peaceful Valley and to this chapel many times over the years. The chapel is at the end of a steep ten-minute hike, which has become a ritual for me. The view at the top -- a part of the Rocky Mountain range -- is breathtaking.

On the way down one morning I was in a hurry and going too fast for the terrain. I nearly fell. There were lots of rocks, and it was easy to hit a wobbly one and slip.

I slowed down, took a deep breath, and placed my foot down purposefully on the next rock, and then the next. I soon sped up and had to slow myself down again.

I decided that even if I was late, I would place each foot consciously every time I took a step. It took a lot for me to do this. But it turned out to be an amazing centering and meditative practice. One rock at a time -- that's all I chose to think about. And I was suddenly more aware of everything -- the sound of the wind, the chattering of birds and squirrels, and the light of the early morning sun on the golden aspens.

I thought: I could do this more often. Be here now. Feel the touch of my foot on the rock. Feel the steering wheel as I drive. BE at the stop light, instead of minutes or hours ahead at the destination. Hear the birds outside my office window.

I begin to think that multi-tasking is overrated. The really hard thing is to be fully present in one place at a time.

How aware are you of this moment? Does life seem to speed up so much that you miss some of the most important parts? Take a moment right now and breathe. Count to 5 on the inhale, and count 5 again on the exhale. Take the time. It’s now that you’re alive, not yesterday and not tomorrow. Now.
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"Centering is the art of being fully alive. And wherever the art of centering is practiced, things change dramatically."
-- Tom Crum, "Journey to Center"
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Wishing you good energy in every moment!

Life Changing Tips For Boomers: Rewire Your Brain To Control Your Emotions, and Make Positive Life Choices

Do You Seem to Get Caught Up in the Same Old Reactions?

Have you ever blown up at your spouse only to realize—after the smoke cleared—that you might have over-reacted just a tad? Maybe you learn that you haven’t been invited to your uncle’s friend’s sister’s birthday party and you behave as if it’s the slight of the century.

Sometimes even the most minor snafu can send us storming out of the room, slamming down a phone, or just shutting down entirely. It’s like we just can’t help it—the reaction is as automatic as a mallet to the knee.

Science Reveals It May Not Be Your Fault

New research indicates that these habitual, knee-jerk responses go way back to our childhood. As youngsters, we learned to adapt to our families’ idiosyncrasies as a way of survival. Psychologists used to refer to these coping mechanisms as our baggage—but what science has now shown us is that these responses are actually hard-wired into our brains. And because our responses are so ingrained, they have become our filtering system for future incidents. In other words, if something happens today that the brain reads as being similar to something that happened in the past, it will respond as if it were the first time, even though you may be in your 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and beyond.

Bringing This to Life

For example, let’s say a child comes from a home where the parents fight frequently. That child is going to associate yelling with bad feelings. In later years, if his spouse raises her voice, he’s likely to shut down like when he was a kid—metaphorically running to his room, closing the door, and essentially blocking out the noise.

Does this mean if you come from a family of yellers you’re doomed to hide under your bed every time someone raises a voice? Luckily, recent research indicates that the brain continues to grow throughout our lives—and old patterns can be released as new ones are formed in your boomer years..

Help Is On the Way

The way to managing your anger and knee jerk reactions is to establish new connections by refocusing your attention to a different outcome or possibility. But, before you can foster these new connections in your brain, you have to be aware of the old brain triggers.

When I try and distinguish whether someone’s reaction is a past association, I look to see if their reaction to the situation is automatic and intense. Additionally, when I try and offer an alternative to why they’re behaving that way, the person is resistant and reluctant to consider any other view or interpretation of the situation—other than their own.

In my practice, I work extensively with clients to help them rewire and rewrite their lives. Here is an easy exercise to get you started on rewiring your brain to control your anger and over-reactions that will bring about positive changes in your life-today!

1. Thinking of Alternatives:

a. When you’re projecting your past experience onto a present one, try and imagine alternative ways to handle the situation. For example, let’s say you have lunch plans with a friend—who cancels at the last minute. Immediately, you feel an overwhelming sense of hurt and rejection. Which is how you always feel in similar situations—indicating—voila—a past pattern! Be conscious of this and take a step back to recognize it.

b. Then, approach the situation from an entirely different perspective. Maybe you use humor to deflect the bad feelings, thinking to yourself, “Gee, I guess it’s my deodorant.” Or, you choose the direct approach and ask your friend if you’ve done something to upset her. Or, you take the practical route and figure your friend just overbooked, overextended, or over-promised—and give her a get-out-of-jail-free card. (Hint: If you have difficulty coming up with alternative ways to handle the situation, think about how someone else - your mother, a childhood friend, an admired acquaintance - might handle the same situation.)

2. Plugging in New Choices:

a. Now, replay the actual situation as vividly as possible—the phone ringing, the sound of your friend’s voice, the awkward goodbyes—and imagine yourself carrying out one of your new solutions. Maybe you decide that being understanding of your friend’s busy schedule is the best choice.

b. Replay the phone call and plug in your new behavior, the understanding you, rather than playing out your old behavior of feeling rejected and hurt.

Making it Last

Before long, you will begin to see a slight shift in how you feel. By doing this exercise again and again, you will refocus your attention on a new outcome. This will rewire your brain and make a new neural connection—a connection to positive change!

Life according to Mike

About 15 years ago a good friend of mine died, he was 45 years old. He had cancer. Although we didn't meet often, I lived on one side of Australia and he on the other, but when we did there was no stopping us. We used to laugh a lot and talked for hours on end.

He had a loving family, his own business, he was a happy, successful man in every way. We all knew he was going to die, yet strangely, there was no sadness in his eyes and none of us felt uncomfortable about being around him or even talking about the inevitable. There was this strange peace, calm about him. No rush, no bitterness, do dramas. When I asked him how he felt about life and dying, this was what he said:

"When I was a child we had two dogs in the yard, in those days you didn't think twice about tying them up, not like today. So they were both tied up, heavy gage stuff you know, just to be on the safe side. One of the dogs was just lying around all day. Nothing seemed to stir it. Had his drinks, feeds at the same time, day in, day out, lying or sleeping all day. If people walked past, he would just look at them from the corner of his eyes without much bother and then go back to what it was doing before, nothing.

The other one was a different story. It was full of energy or maybe even anger. Always rattling his chain, always fighting against being tied up; wanting to get free, one way or another. Barking at everyone at every opportunity, trying to draw attention.

I'll never forget those two dogs and the two different ways they chose to deal with their lot. One, having resigned to his fate and the other fighting in every possible way he could to change it even though it was, unfortunately, quite futile.

I see the same with people. One lot, who have said YES to life and the others who have said NO. I'd made the decision then that I will say YES to life, live it to the fullest, making the best of every opportunity. Live every day as if it was my last, making sure that I would not have regrets of not having done something or not making the best of my time on this planet of ours or leaving any unfinished business behind."

We kept on talking all night just as we did so many times before. That day was a turning point in my life. My friend became more to me on that day. He became my mentor and role-model. I've tried to follow his examples, making the best of what I'm given and living every day as it was my last.

Do YOU; think about it!

To a fulfilled life,
Ference

PS
In case you are wondering, his name was Mike, Mike Weldon.

Letting Go Of Perfection

"The power of discovery enables us to achieve excellence without having to be "perfect.'"

– Thomas Crum, The Magic of Conflict

I arrived at the conference center ready to present my workshop. Almost immediately I noticed the room was too small and it was not set up as requested. There were no flipcharts and there were tables, though I had specifically asked for open space. I caught myself and smiled. I drew the word D I S C O V E R Y in large letters on a piece of newsprint and put it at the front of the room as a reminder.

Discovery
One of my favorite words, the concept of Discovery excites the brain, conjures up lost treasure, desert islands, new inventions, and old relics, something that was – up to now – unknown.  Explorers discover new lands, scientists discover cures for diseases, and philosophers seek to discover the truth.

What about discovering each other?  Learning what is new and important in each of our neighbors, friends, family, colleagues; what has been lost in the daily grind of work; truths, values, and hopes that are yet to be revealed? Discovery. A lovely word.

I first came to appreciate Discovery in The Magic of Conflict, where Thomas Crum describes it as a magical domain that "allows us to move beyond the fight, beyond success, to an open realm of possibility." When we’re in Discovery mode, we are spontaneous, curious, fascinated, and appreciative of life in all its diversity.

Young children live in Discovery and sometimes we do. Katharine Hepburn lived a life of stardom but never lost her childlike fascination with people and life. Thomas Edison’s famous quotation after many attempts at inventing the light bulb shows a person in Discovery mode: "I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work!"

Perfection
What’s the opposite of Discovery? Perfection – a place with which we're all too familiar. In Perfection, things have to be done right, we have to look good, get good grades, and win the games we play. Our standards are high, and failure is to be avoided at all costs. In daily conflicts, sometimes at the expense of our dearest relationships, we have to prevail. When we feel attacked we fight back, sometimes with our own hurtful words, or with behavior calculated to control, manipulate and diminish.

Shifting Gears
According to Tom Crum, when we shift into Discovery, we treat mistakes as outcomes and conflicts as opportunities to learn and understand more of the world and our partners. We stop being afraid to fail because there is no failure, only increased awareness and experience.  We enter a world of wonder, spontaneity, and fun.

What Can I Learn Here?
We shift into Discovery, not with judgment, but with awareness – by moving from "How can I be right about this?" to: "What can I learn here?"

When I'm angry because I just missed a three-foot putt, Discovery changes self-judgment into an opportunity for learning.

In the middle of a tough meeting with your department manager, try asking yourself - "What can I learn here?" What is it about this issue that's important to each of us?

Upon arriving home, you find your life partner upset.Your first reaction is that it's something you did. But wait! "What can I learn here?" jumps into your thoughts, and you ask: "Honey, you seem upset. Anything I can help with?" And you hear: "I'm just worried that I won’t finish this new project they gave me at work in time." 

Or your teenager is exhibiting new habits that have you worried. It's worth checking out what the worldview is from her perspective before reaching a judgment.

We’ve all experienced moments of Discovery when we break through to a new understanding. It’s a powerful place that we like and want to revisit.  The challenge is to choose to go there on purpose, especially in difficult situations.  Katharine Hepburn has been quoted as saying, "Wouldn’t it be great if people could get to live suddenly as often as they die suddenly?"  Shifting from perfection to Discovery is the way.  Try it.  Discover for yourself.